How To Stay In Control In A World That Sometimes Feels Out Of Control

The Mindful Leader 3

We know our resources are not finite, especially our ability to attend to our own needs and the needs of those we serve. So how do we learn to focus our attention using our minds to their best effect, knowing how to handle distraction so we stay focused and attentive for those tasks and moments that really matter?

As Daniel Goleman¹ says ‘a primary task of leadership is to direct attention’. Our attention is a gift, and learning to use it well is a skill. Effective leaders learn to use their attention like a torch beam, focusing it inwardly (to our thoughts and feelings) and outwardly (to others and the world around us).

An inability to focus, and ‘foggy brain’ is one of the indications of high stress, and for many has become more prevalent the longer the pandemic has gone on. But as Daniel Goleman also reminds us, ‘a failure to focus inward leaves you rudderless, a failure to focus on others renders you clueless, and a failure to focus outward may leave you blindsided.’ Being able to focus is a pre-requisite for much of our leadership effectiveness.

So how do we practice strengthening our attentional muscle as a way of shifting from ‘feeling driven’, to being ‘in the driving seat’?

There are three elements to this practice:

1.We begin with intention

The Buddha said ‘everything rests on the point of intention’ and that is where we start to regain control over our lives. Practicing skillful intention is nothing less than our path to happiness and contentment.

We start by asking ourselves on a daily basis ‘what’s my deepest intention today?’ This is not a question about what we want to get done, or accomplished, but a question about how I am going to show up today as my most authentic self with a strong sense of purpose. Questions such as these will help get closer to your intention on a daily basis:

• · What matters most to me today?
• · Who do I choose to be in each moment of this day?
• · What mental burden do I choose to let go of today?
• · What distractions do I choose to notice and avoid today?

2.We focus our attention wisely

Clarity of intention helps to orient our attention to make skillful choices about how we use our valuable time moment by moment. You might start by taking a look at your to do list and asking ‘how might this line this up with my core intentions’. For example, you may be on playground duty at break time. How do you stay present for this, rather than see it as something that takes you away from other things you need to do? Perhaps you tether your attention whilst on playground duty to your core intention to practice inclusion, notice and attend to vulnerability, and cultivate meaningful relationships.

See it also as a way of practicing ‘staying in the moment’, savouring the experience of walking round the playground, breathing fresh air, listening to children’s voices, or showing off your football skills. Notice how your mind will already be pulling you back to your to do list, worrying about the next meeting, distracting you from your purpose. Then pause and come back to this moment, on the playground, practicing purpose and intention.

Emma a senior leader in REAch2 Multi Academy Trust has put this in a nutshell when she says ‘when I sit down to do something I have chosen to do, or a conversation that is important, I say to myself and to others; right now I am doing this one thing, and I am doing it well, resisting all distraction’. She knows that devoting attention to something or someone is an intimate act, and it’s a leadership gift we can give to ourselves and others.

Being intentional about distraction like Emma, also helps us to notice when we are actively preventing attentional focus. As humans we have a tendency to be hooked by distraction, caught by the lure of that short burst of dopamine the cell phone can provide, our ‘to do list’ and the busy-ness that goes with it that gets our adrenaline fired up, or by saying ‘yes’ to yet one more demand for our time and attention, that makes us feel momentarily valued. Alluring though this may be, left unchecked leads to overwhelm and eventually burn out.

Sian² a headteacher in Tower Hamlets shows how this practice of tethering our attention without distraction, plays out in relationships with staff saying: ‘so, how does this play out in a practical sense? When staff want some of my time I now give them my full attention. I can recognise when my mind is wandering, and I can bring it back to this one moment, this one conversation. I don’t rush to fill the silence either, I just let the pause be and it helps me to re-group and re-gather my thoughts and it leaves space for the other person to add anything else they feel is helpful. I no longer feel driven to find the answer now. I am more focused.’

3.When we focus our attention, we are aware of our attitude:

As we shine the torch beam of our attention on a task, a conversation, or a problem that needs solving we can also choose our attitude. Our attitude is cultivated in our ‘inner world’, through our thoughts and feelings.

To what extent are we focusing our attention with curiosity? How open are we to seeing things from a different perspective asking ‘what else might be true here? Or are we falling into seeing everything through ‘the story of me’, what I want, what people expect of me, and indeed how I might avoid looking foolish?

Putting ourselves at the centre of our attentional focus is a leadership habit which is easy to fall into, and makes it difficult to ‘let go’, adding to the all pervasive sense that there is ‘never enough time’.

As Sian² cultivated her skill of setting intentions, focusing her attention, and noticing her attitude, she remarked on how it had changed her as a person saying: ‘I have begun to let go of ”the story of me” and opened myself up to change and with this came the letting go of the “mantle of the expert”, which during these strange times of Covid has been important. For example, there are those in my team who are far, far more skilled at IT than myself and so these colleagues are better placed to be the drivers of remote learning. Mindfulness has made me realise this is ok, I don’t need to know or be in charge of everything – something I have found hard to adjust to, but I hope I am getting there!’

Cultivating our intention, attention and attitude is a daily practice, and just as we do this by checking in at the start of the day, we can do the same at the end of the day asking:

• 1. What actions and behaviours have I noticed today that embody my intention?
• 2. What actions and behaviours have I noticed today that may not be fully in alignment with my intention?
• 3. How do I now feel at the end of the day – to what extent did I have some control over my day, and what have I learned about cultivating this?

As we practice being mindful of our intention, attention and attitude day by day gradually we begin to see how we can enhance our sense of meaning, purpose and happiness. And in a world that sometimes feels chaotic – we can still be in control.

“My experience is what I agree to attend to. Only those items which I notice shape my mind – without selective interest, experience is an utter chaos” – William James

Maggie Farrar is a leadership consultant working on mindfulness approaches to leadership and formerly a Director at the National College Of School Leadership.

You can find out more about her work and join a global community of school leaders who are cultivating the practice of ‘leadership presence’ here https://www.empoweringleadership.co.uk/.

You can also sign up for a fortnightly newsletter of practical leadership guidance if you are interested.

References

• 1 Goleman D, The Focused Leader, Harvard Business Review 2013
• 2 Sian’s blog and others can be found at: https://www.empoweringleadership.co.uk/resources